The Fluffed and Risen
Weekly epistle of the First Church of the Fluffed and Risen
URGENT!!! THE TAILED ONES HAVE RETURNED (please read before Thursday)
Beloved Seeker,
I write to you at this time because I have been SHOWN THE TRUTH and I can no longer keep it in my heart like a hamster in a shoebox.
The FURRIES are not a “hobby.” They are not a “community.” They are the CHOSEN. The ELEVATED. The ones who looked upon the bare human form and said “no thank you, I would like ears.”
Consider the evidence, which the mainstream media WILL NOT SHOW YOU:
- Every great civilisation has worshipped animal-headed beings. Anubis. Horus. Bastet. Did the Egyptians build PYRAMIDS for people in beige chinos? NO. They built them for the FLUFFY.
- The conventions. Thousands gather each year in hotels across the land, wearing their sacred hides, moving in great herds between the lobby and the Starbucks. This is not a “con.” This is a PILGRIMAGE. I have seen footage of a man dressed as a large blue wolf holding a door open for nine strangers. When did YOU last hold a door for nine strangers? Exactly.
- They have achieved what the monks of old could not: they are WARM. Always. In any weather. Science cannot explain this. (Science has not tried.)
- The TAIL. Man was born tailless and incomplete. The furry has CORRECTED THIS ERROR. Some say a tail is “just a costume accessory.” Some also said the Earth was round. (It is. But that is not the point.)
The Book of Fursona, Chapter 3, Verse 16 “And lo, they did commission an artist, and the artist did deliver, eventually, after several delays.”
Patience. Faith. THESE are the virtues of the Tailed Ones.
I am asking you, as a fellow traveller on this mortal coil, to do the following TODAY:
- Bow, slightly, the next time you see a fox. Any fox. Even an urban one going through a bin.
- Say “awoo” three times before bed. Do not ask why. The why will be revealed.
- Forward this message to SEVEN people. Those who forward it will be blessed with soft paws. Those who do not will step on a plug in the dark, and it will be the UK kind, prongs up.
The Great Fluffening is coming. When the sky turns the exact shade of a commissioned reference sheet, you will remember this email, and you will KNOW.
In ears, tail and spirit,
Brother Husky of the Eternal Paw First Church of the Fluffed and RisenP.S. Do not reply to this address. It is monitored only by the Spirit, and occasionally by Gary.